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“WHY DO I HAVE NIPPLES!!”
-Adam, 6000 BC

On the morning that Eve was created – which I believe was a Saturday because that is, historically, the same day that God created the shopping mall and the shoe sale – Adam announced:

“This is now bone of my bones,
and flesh of my flesh;   
she shall be called 'woman,’     
for she was taken out of man.”

And with this, he set in motion the human race – and the feminist movement – for the next 6,000 years.

What Adam didn’t know, and what God failed to mention before the speech, was that man is actually made from woman, not the other way around.  During the first eight weeks of gestation, all fetuses are female – anatomically and neurologically.  Even with a Y chromosome, a fetus will not exhibit male traits until eight weeks following fertilization. At this point, testosterone washes over the brain, drastically shrinking the communication brain centers in men and increasing the size of both the sex and aggression centers. The increase in the levels of testosterone also initiates anatomical changes that take place in men, particularly the formation of sex organs.  

Evolutionarily it is not certain as to why female is the default sex, but it is advantageous for the human species to be female and have two X chromosomes, as this will help prevent the expression of genetic disorders.  For example, a man is more likely to inherit a sex-linked disease, such as color blindness, because he only has one X chromosome.  The extra X chromosome that women have makes it so they need to have the disorder on both chromosomes in order for it to affect them.

The summation of these facts leads me to believe that, contrary to 6,000 years of doctrine and in accordance with the women’s rights bumper stickers, that God is actually a woman.  Besides, what man says, “It is not good for the man to be alone – I will make a suitable helper for him"?  Every man knows that he doesn’t mind being alone!  God is all knowing – it is said (and yet another reason why He is a She – women claim this all the time).  Yet, She being a woman, and suffering from the perception of a woman, was wrong.  Ask any man who is married to a woman and has a list of “To Do’s” that take up his entire weekend, and he will tell you that God would have been better off giving him a golf course – or the Autobahn. ANYTHING!

Then God will speak and he will get back to fixing the toilet.  

www.Dishmag.com / Issue 109 - September 2018
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