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Had a bad break up recently? Are you perpetually single and down in the dumps? Do you feel like love is never going to find you? Well, don’t feel frazzled, get VAJAZZLED!

“Get what?” you may ask. Get VAJAZZLED!

Vajazzling, one of the sexiest new trends in fashion, uses temporary cosmetic adhesive to apply rhinestones (and even Swarovski crystals) to a woman’s “nether regions”, as Vajazzling.com refers to them. “Nether regions” should be clarified, though, as vajazzling does not place crystals on the labia, or any other female parts that might inspire the sequel to Teeth. Instead, it places them on the pubic area. You can either purchase vajazzling kits online, in great, prearranged patterns like hearts, lips, stars or horseshoes, ranging in price from $15 to $30. Or you can be professionally vajazzled, costing anywhere from $100 to free with a Brazilian (wax, not citizen).

“But why on earth would I want to put Swarovski crystals on my nether region?” you might ask. “Would that really help me through a bad breakup?” Well, according to Jennifer Love Hewitt, yes, it would. After experiencing a bad breakup, herself, she had a beautician come to her house to give her a spray tan, hoping it would lift her spirits. When the woman also offered to vajazzle her with Swarovski crystals, she was dubious. “The lack of traffic on my hoo-ha highway at that moment,” she writes in her dating advice book The Day I Shot Cupid, “and my fear of lying sober and naked while a woman puts crystals on my little lady made me hesitate.” But she gave in, resolving that it might look nice. 

What resulted, though, was better than nice. “The once pale, sad girl who couldn’t figure out how to move on from her breakup had transformed into a bronzed sex goddess with the prettiest hoo-ha in my neighborhood,” she writes.

So infatuated was she with her hoo-ha, that she had to fight the urge to show everyone what she referred to as her “crystal delight”. “It’s true,” she writes. “I had started a love affair with my lower region disco ball and before I knew it, I felt great again.”

For this reason, Jennifer Love Hewitt has become one of the biggest celebrity advocates for vajazzling, recommending it for anyone who’s down in the dumps, or just wants to have a “sparkly secret” in their pants. According to her, it’s the surest way to put some shine back in your confidence.

And guys, don't feel left out. With Pejazzling—the man’s version of vajazzling--you can now join in on the craze, finally getting the diamond-crusted totem pole and “lower region disco balls” you’ve always wanted. While the practice is still in its infancy, there are a few sites that a guy can go to for pejazzling kits, including patterns for barbed wire, an iron cross,  and diamonds. But the most popular? Hot red lips!

www.Dishmag.com / Issue 160 - September 1839
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