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Have you ever been engaged in a conversation with a male - your son, your boyfriend, a man you work with perhaps, and nothing he says about his weekend seems to make any sense to you? In case he uses any of the following words or phrases, now you will know what he meant when he said he was late because he was home working up his “dungeon tan” or he was “spot teased” in the parking lot. Some of these expressions may be a little dirty for your taste (or not), but take it from me, many men are very familiar with much worse expressions than these. The best way to find out what they might be? Just ask him and watch him blush!

Leap of Faith
Having to use a public restroom that has either no lock on the door to said restroom, or no lock on the stall you are using.

“Hey, make sure nobody comes this way. I gotta go take a quick leap of faith.”

Pillow Partition
A pillow partition is a section of pillows placed between two bed mates who are not lovers so as to avoid any accidental touching while asleep. The bed mates using a pillow partition are typically heterosexual males who are forced to sleep in the same bed on a trip for logistical reasons. If one male is straight, and the other's sexuality can be considered a bit ambiguous, the pillow partition is a necessity. It can also be used to save face to any other males on the trip who might joke about the two bed mates sleeping together.

“We speak of this to no one. Pillow partition right now ... and separate blankets.”

Sports Cry
The permissible act of a sports fan or athlete, usually a male, shedding a quiet tear in celebration of their team's accomplishments. Also acceptable at the end of a classic sports motion picture. Only one episode of sports crying is acceptable per situation.

“I always have a good sports cry every time I watch “Angels in the Outfield.”

Bro-nies
Male, older fans of little girl’s popular TV show “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic”.

Brony 1: "Yo man, you seen the new episode last night?"
Brony 2: "Totally. Midnight Sparkle was the bomb with that friendship blast."


Whatever
Used in an argument to admit that you are wrong without admitting it, so the argument is over.

Girlfriend: “(says something factual)”
Boyfriend: “(replies with an unrelated or fabricated example to counter it)”
Girlfriend: “(lists sound evidence to the contrary)”
Boyfriend: “Whatever.”


Dungeon Tan
The pale skin of a person who plays too much Xbox and doesn't get any sunlight.

“Nah, man. I’ve gotta hang back and work on my dungeon tan. Skyrim doesn’t slay its own dragons, you know.”

Or The Terrorists Have Won
The best excuse to get what you want.

“Continue buying SUVs or the terrorists have won.”
“Repeal the Constitution or the terrorists have won.”
“Dance naked in front of me or the terrorists have won.”


No Homo
Phrase used after one inadvertently says something that sounds gay.

“His ass is mine!... No homo.”

Spot Tease
A parking spot that appears to be open, but is actually taken by a small car or motorcycle. Also can refer to a car that takes up 90% of its own spot and 10% of the one next to it, leaving no room for another car to park.

“Mark, your damn Scion box-on-wheels is such a spot tease.”

Heteroflexible
I'm straight but stuff happens.

“Dude, it's not my fault. I was drunk and it was fun. What can I say? I'm heteroflexible.”

Gay Buffer
When you sit down somewhere (usually in a movie theater) and purposely leave an extra seat between you and a person of the same sex, so as not to appear gay.

“Chris hogged the center seat so I had to move down to enforce the gay buffer.”

Working Girl
Euphemistic term for a prostitute, often preferred by the said individuals themselves.

“Nah, man. Julia Roberts wasn’t a slut in Pretty Woman. She was just a working girl.”

Dirty Pillows
Breasts

“I passed out on her dirty pillows and woke up when she smacked me for snoring.”

 

 

www.Dishmag.com / Issue 161 - September 2018
Turnpage Blk


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